cobalt drgn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cobaltdrgn) wrote2020-12-07 07:30 pm
cobaltdrgn) wrote2020-12-07 07:30 pm
Entry tags:
reprising some things i wrote in another forum
(CW: Mentions sexual assault) https://i-d.vice.com/en_us/article/d3bjyz/akwaeke-emezi-freshwater-adama-jalloh
https://www.npr.org/2018/02/17/586112614/in-freshwater-a-college-student-learns-to-live-with-separate-selves
The above are some links I haven't read yet; this is one article I have read, focusing on the intersection of the author's being an ogbanje, an embodied nonhuman spirit, and being trans:
(CW: Graphic descriptions of medical transition, dysphoria) https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/writer-and-artist-akwaeke-emezi-gender-transition-and-ogbanje.html
In short, I'm going to have to delve deep into Akwaeke's work. A lot in here resonates with me: the rejection of human reproduction and of being viewed as a sexual being, the path their transition took, the way their ogbanje nature makes the gender binary a thing they exist outside. Learning to frame their inner reality in terms other people would understand, to get what they needed.
I've always wondered how alterhumanity manifests in other cultures than my own, particularly cultures that have access to narratives other than the medical one. Even as a white Westerner, it's always struck me as wrong and limiting that in society's view, the explanation for the things I experienced growing up could only be mental illness. Spirit, soul, reincarnation, none of those were on the table if you wanted to be thought of as a "serious person", "mature", not "relying on a crutch", and all the ableism that goes along with that. Even in the therian community I've gone along with the pressure to say the special phrase, "I recognise that it could be mental illness", that gets you out of having to defend your experiences.
I didn't really realise how pervasive that was until now, even. The spectre of "being seen as crazy" hangs over us; it taints the language we use towards each other, forces us to accept a medicalising version of our experiences just as the price of admission. Nowhere has this been more visible than in the demonising of P-shifting, to the point where generally, speaking of it with anything other than ridicule will get you kicked off forums. Western/Neo-Roman culture wants to draw lines in the sand; people in other cultures are typically aware that it's sand, and no line you draw will stay. Few people, I think, who aren't steeped in this materialist culture would even draw a big line between a P-shift and a M-shift.
And that freaks people out, because "of course" there's a huge difference! In one case you "really" physically turn into the animal, and in the other, it's "only" in your mind. But that's only a relevant distinction if you believe that Mind and Flesh are different realms, and that one is subjective and the other objective, and that never the twain shall meet.
The more I learn, these days, the less I believe that. And the less I think it's a healthy way of looking at the world, in general.
https://www.npr.org/2018/02/17/586112614/in-freshwater-a-college-student-learns-to-live-with-separate-selves
The above are some links I haven't read yet; this is one article I have read, focusing on the intersection of the author's being an ogbanje, an embodied nonhuman spirit, and being trans:
(CW: Graphic descriptions of medical transition, dysphoria) https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/writer-and-artist-akwaeke-emezi-gender-transition-and-ogbanje.html
In short, I'm going to have to delve deep into Akwaeke's work. A lot in here resonates with me: the rejection of human reproduction and of being viewed as a sexual being, the path their transition took, the way their ogbanje nature makes the gender binary a thing they exist outside. Learning to frame their inner reality in terms other people would understand, to get what they needed.
I've always wondered how alterhumanity manifests in other cultures than my own, particularly cultures that have access to narratives other than the medical one. Even as a white Westerner, it's always struck me as wrong and limiting that in society's view, the explanation for the things I experienced growing up could only be mental illness. Spirit, soul, reincarnation, none of those were on the table if you wanted to be thought of as a "serious person", "mature", not "relying on a crutch", and all the ableism that goes along with that. Even in the therian community I've gone along with the pressure to say the special phrase, "I recognise that it could be mental illness", that gets you out of having to defend your experiences.
I didn't really realise how pervasive that was until now, even. The spectre of "being seen as crazy" hangs over us; it taints the language we use towards each other, forces us to accept a medicalising version of our experiences just as the price of admission. Nowhere has this been more visible than in the demonising of P-shifting, to the point where generally, speaking of it with anything other than ridicule will get you kicked off forums. Western/Neo-Roman culture wants to draw lines in the sand; people in other cultures are typically aware that it's sand, and no line you draw will stay. Few people, I think, who aren't steeped in this materialist culture would even draw a big line between a P-shift and a M-shift.
And that freaks people out, because "of course" there's a huge difference! In one case you "really" physically turn into the animal, and in the other, it's "only" in your mind. But that's only a relevant distinction if you believe that Mind and Flesh are different realms, and that one is subjective and the other objective, and that never the twain shall meet.
The more I learn, these days, the less I believe that. And the less I think it's a healthy way of looking at the world, in general.
no subject
I'm still trying to make myself comfortable identifying as transgender; making a serious effort to imprint that word onto me somehow, because what I've always told people is that I'm a male entity who happened to be put in a body assigned female. Really all that connects me to the trans narrative is that I use the same hormones and surgical procedures to make this body fit better. No matter how grounded I make myself in this body, I'm still inside of it rather than one with it, so it's... weird. I don't feel a sense of pride in needing to renovate my house. I feel like I'm (still) cisgender, and the container I'm in now is just set up different.
I'm not sold on p-shifting as you see it pop up online. It's always a gimmick. But I don't rule it out as a phenomenon entirely. I think there remain things that people aren't supposed to figure out. And if you take other realities into account, then you can't be certain of those realities not having rules that override our own.